It's A Gift

…some thoughts about gifts and giving and about life in general

The Gift We Didn’t Know We Were Giving

by admin - September 4th, 2011.
Filed under: Gifts and giving.

A few comments made on a forum that I frequent made me think of something that happened a long time ago when I was only in my early twenties.

I shared an apartment with four others of the same age, two females and two males. One of the guys was an extremely manipulative individual. He was brought up by his mother who obviously felt intensely guilty that he did not have a father around (I don’t remember whether they had divorced, or exactly what the circumstances were). He apparently was spoiled rotten as a child and became very skilled at turning that knife of guilt whenever it looked as though his wishes might be denied. Charm and manipulating others became his way of dealing with everyone, but since I could see this so plainly, it never worked on me. After awhile I was even able to say, word for word, exactly what he was going to say — only about a half second before the words came out of his mouth! Seemed as though there was an echo in the room and I’m sure it drove him nuts.

One person moved to another city and the rest of us split up, two each to two different apartments in the same row house. Three young women who traveled cross country ended up staying in one of the apartments in that same row house and we became friends. When they decided it was time to travel back home, they invited a few others to come along. My ex-roommate was one and so was I. He had already been exhibiting his usual type of behavior, as he was trying to seduce one of the three, and, failing that, decided to latch on to one of the others in hopes of finally landing his chosen one. I hated to see that happening and warned them, but they had also already started to “see the light” as far as he was concerned. I told them that he would probably warn them about what a terrible person I was and tell them they should leave me behind. They said he’d already tried that and that they had told him that I was going, but that he was quite welcome to stay behind.

We had a bit more drama, but eventually formed a mini-caravan of two cars carrying a total of five women and him. About two thirds of the way across the country, all of us had had more than enough of his games and the result was that the women in the car in which he was traveling said, “here’s your backpack — California’s that way” and we left him standing by the side of the highway.

Fast forward two or three years and I answered a knock on my door to find him standing there. He said “I came to thank you.” He told me that he thought that he had been at his lowest ever and that we kicked him out anyway. It was a turning point for him and made him take a good look at himself and his likely future if he carried on as he had been doing. He told me that he was now married, had a child, and that he had started his own business, which was doing quite well! For him, our actions were the unlikely “gift” that was exactly what he needed.

1 Response to The Gift We Didn’t Know We Were Giving

  1. A wonderful job. Super helpful ionfrmation.

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